“This day changed my life”…how often do you hear that? How often do you say that? The days that truly change your life are usually few and far between. After all, it’s not a typical Monday that you go to work, go home and get ready to go to bed saying, “Today, my life changed.” While December 7 marks “a day in infamy” for the lives of so many who remember December 7, 1941 and Pearl Harbor, most of our days pass by in a blur unless something significant marks that day as significant.
I think it’s the sameness of life that so often gets in the way of our hopes and dreams. If we are intentional, we look forward to the days where we can FEEL ourselves going and growing toward our goal. We want to see real, tangible evidence that we are moving closer each day and in the absence of visible “proof,” we often quit striving. Weight loss is a perfect example. If we want to make a change and lose those extra pounds before the company Christmas party, (or after that family Christmas Dinner) we have to make changes in our diet and activity level. End of story. The
secret to success is no secret. There is no magic formula. But, what happens so often is that we stick with it for a day or two or ten and then, when we don’t see instant changes, we give up.
We fail to realize two important things: 1) Success in life isn’t instant; and 2) We must change inside before things will change outside.
Success In Life Isn’t Instant
We fail to appreciate the value of small, consistent steps forward. Enough of those, and we will realize the cumulative effort as we reach the goal. If we don’t have instant gratification however, the temptation is to simply quit putting forth the effort.
You’ve heard the cliche “overnight success”, but in truth most “overnight success” comes after several years of work.
Much like fitness, personal growth is a journey. It’s not a destination I will ever “reach” but I’m so much closer than I have ever been. There are humbling milestones along the way where I realize my efforts are paying off. Sitting in a little coffee shop last week, I met someone who had connected with me on LinkedIn through a mutual acquaintance. This person shared that when they saw a picture of me and Mack, he could see we were filled with so much joy inside and he felt like he HAD to meet us.
I am filled with joy inside – and how different I am today than the hard, brittle girl who left home 15 years ago. One of my co-workers shared this with me recently and it made me realize just how much I have changed. I feel somewhat undeserving of the praise but I treasure the fact that someone has seen me grow and change. She said, “You are making such a difference for so many people. I think I’ve told you this before, but I have never watched someone transform like I have you. You were great before but the grace of your presence now is amazing. God definitely has chosen you for special things.”
It Starts Inside First
We must change inside to change outside. For myself, healing from years of sexual abuse wasn’t an overnight accomplishment. In fact, it’s only been in the last year or so that I realized I’m still on that journey, and maybe always will be. I’m in the process of writing my third book and realize I still have so far to go. For many years I pretended to be fine, when I wasn’t even close. I suffered from (and still do, although less frequently) terrible dreams where I would wake up in a cold sweat from a nightmare. Dreaming I was again trapped in my parents home and I would try to run away but never could get out the door. In the dreams, I would try over and over again to escape from my father but something went wrong each time in my dream and I wasn’t able to leave.
“When we are unable to change our circumstances, we are challenged to change ourselves.”~Viktor Frankl
I would love to tell you that I woke up one day and it was all better, but that wouldn’t be the truth. You see, even though my external circumstances changed many years ago when I left home, until I changed inside, I wasn’t making any progress. Carrying around my burden of shame and guilt meant I was still trapped in my heart.
Maya Angelou said, “There’s no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” It wasn’t until after I started speaking and writing and sharing my story two years ago that I truly began to feel the healing of God’s grace. It’s not that things outside of me changed – it’s that things inside of me changed. And, it wasn’t an instant miracle cure by any means. It was working a little each day toward peace, starting by working on the inside. Many times, I think to myself: “Today I took one more step forward in my journey.” Some steps might be bigger than others, but I still have to take one step at a time.
It starts with us and it starts in us. But, what joy there is in the journey when we have the patience and the courage to travel the distance each day. Every day. It’s a journey, not a destination.
Ria is a motivational speaker and certified executive coach with a passion for asking questions to empower others to make the right choices today to reach their goals tomorrow. Contact Ria for more information on her coaching programs. To sign up for Ria’s mailing list and receive her complimentary leadership series CLICK HERE.
