“Needs A Good Home.” You skim across these posts when you see them on Facebook. Someone has found an abandoned or lost dog or cat and wants to make sure they have a home instead of taking it to the pound. A cute photo always accompanies the “ad” and frequently the animal comes with some requirements: Needs kind owner, has been abused, loves kids, doesn’t like men, needs lots of TLC, would make a great pet for an older person, etc.
I know the feeling. No, not the feeling of the person who found the animal – I know the feelings the animal would have if it could talk.
My ad would have read something like this:
Needs A Good Home: Broken, 19 year old girl – abused and traumatized for years; needs compassion and understanding; needs kind words, gentleness and love; requires lots of hugs; comes with some risk – former owner may try to repossess by violence. Some restrictions apply.
You see, anytime we “adopt” someone or something, we also get the “baggage” from their past experiences. You can’t have one without the other. There are always some “strings attached.”
To his credit, Mack was willing to accept that, and me.
Every one of us carries our experiences from the past. Old hurts, words said in anger, shame, words left unsaid, hearts broken, divorce, or death of love ones. We all carry something from the past in some form. The trick is learning to let go of what you can and move on – and the right person will help you unpack. But, you’ve got to do your part too. You won’t ever forget things that happened to you in the past, but you shouldn’t let it taint your life today. If someone hurt you in the past, that doesn’t mean that you should live the rest of your life expecting everyone else to do the same.
When it comes to doing this successfully and leaving pain from a past experience behind, you must manage your emotions. Managing your emotions doesn’t mean burying them or pretending they aren’t there, but it does mean handling them in such a way that you consider them, consider how they affect you and others around you, and then choose not to let them disrupt the present.
I once heard Liz Murray speak as she told how she went from being homeless and living on the streets and subways to graduating from Harvard. She was living on the streets because she didn’t really have a home – her parents were drug addicts. She shared how they didn’t have enough to eat because her parents spent all their money on drugs. She shared how they sold all the furniture to buy drugs and how she and her sister would eat ice to feel like they had something to eat. Liz shared how she ended up living on the streets and it took her mother dying from AIDS to make her decide to turn her own life around. I can’t imagine that life or imagine some of the adversity Liz Murray faced. But, what impressed me is how she shared those experiences and yet managed her emotions. You could tell it was difficult, you could tell the memories bring her pain, just like mine do for me, and yet as she shared them, it was clear that she has moved on. She lives a full and happy life now as a wife, mother, and inspirational speaker.
It’s a decision. A choice. And, after you make it, you will have to manage that decision, maybe every day, maybe forever. Decisions, much like New Year’s Resolutions, require action to follow through. The decision alone isn’t enough – you’ve got to get up each day and live it.
Ria is a motivational speaker and certified executive coach with a passion for asking questions to empower others to make the right choices today to reach their goals tomorrow. Contact Ria for more information on her coaching programs. To sign up for Ria’s mailing list and receive her complimentary leadership series CLICK HERE.
